I’ve really been trying hard to be strong for my family and those around me, I think that comes with being the oldest. But these last few weeks I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I miss my home in Utah and even more so, I miss my family and friends. This reality of being away from them and not knowing when I will get to go visit next sunk in full force. I was broken and a mess. Everything made me cry, and I’m not much of a crier. My patients with my kids were shorter than they ever have been. I was having a hard time finding any sort of happiness through this dark and sad time. Nothing felt right, I didn’t feel like my usual happy self and I wanted to run away and go home back to the people and things that were familiar to me.
Last week, I was texting one of my best friends and telling her about how I had been feeling. It turns out that we both were going through a rough time and sent our husbands almost the exact same text that day saying how rough life has felt lately, how crazy our kids have been acting and how much we wanted our old selves back. It made us laugh at how in sync we usually are and also gave me some sort of comfort to know I have her as a friend and that we always have each others backs. These are the kind of friendships I hold onto dearly.
Life is life and life can get hard, there’s no way around those hard days that always come. But knowing that others are going through and have gone through the same stuff that I have, is just want I needed to hear to help shake me out of this little funk. There is also so much good in this life, and going through those rough times is what makes us stronger when we work hard and make our way through it. My happiness is something worth fighting for and I’ve learned that happiness is something that doesn’t just happen, it’s something we generate into our life’s. It’s all about our perspective and trying our hardest to have a positive attitude even when things get rough. And for me, also knowing that it is OK to let out an ugly cry once and a while. It’s natural and also healthy to let those bottled up feelings out.
I’m feeling more hopeful and positive for this new week. I’m not doubting the hard days will still come, but I’m going to try hard to not focus on them and just know that those hard times or days do past. I’m going to live everyday to the fullest and soak up this time I have with my little loves to create memories, be silly and fully love and live in the moment. I know I will never get back this time I have with them NOW and I’m not going to let another moment of unshared happiness slip away. Life truly is beautiful with the right perspective in mind.
“There are always flowers for those who want to see them.”